| When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
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| I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday."
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| "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." - Next time, take off the candles."
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| Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mums too frightened hell break it!
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| Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. Its a great present but I just cant find the words to thank you enough.
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| Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, Whats the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you wont be empty-handed, will you!
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| A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "Id love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
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| Whats the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.
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| My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie?
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| Good news! Ive been given a goldfish for my birthday. . .the bad news is that I dont get the bowl until my next birthday!
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